fOLLOW YOUR DREAMS*Dear Jonnie
Its crazy how when we were young everything seemed so innocent. Back then we thought that the hardest times of our lives was going to be our vocab tests in elementary school, who could’ve predicted the reality we are facing now. I wish that I could run back to the memories of us on the beach, living so free and not caring about the world around us. Nothing matter, besides our determination to reach china by digging in the sand. We’d sit and try to convince each other that the person we were “crushin” on wasn’t good enough, and that we were perfect for each other. Climbing on top of the Grand Canyon was no match for you. I bet you felt like you were on top of the world, and that’s how I looked at you. No fear, just a rush of adrenaline that boosted you guys up to the top of the rocks. I was so jealous, in all honesty. I wish I had the courage. Nothing compares to the elevators. Being insanely ridiculous was so natural of you, but only if it’d make someone laugh. You’d risk anything for a laugh, and I would bet on that right now- you’re probably still doing it up there. You never cared about what people thought of you, or maybe you just never admitted to it. The truth of the matter is that I miss you. I feel selfish all the time saying that because we weren’t as close in high school. Im sorry for that. People grow apart, but I need you to know that you were important in my life. You were supposed to be with me at our reunion, but most importantly I expected you at my wedding. Although we weren’t blood, I would back you up if you were my family. I can’t say that im not mad, because I’d be lying. Im pissed that you did this. They told me after a few months I’d get over that phase, but I haven’t. You’re the reason that I realized how fucked up the world is. Even though it’s a true statement, I feel that we are too young to experience this. You lived to make people laugh, why would you want to leave? Whenever I saw you, you made me smile, how could you not realize that people were there for you? It was selfish and im disappointed. I wish you realized how much you meant to us. You weren’t just a punk-rock kid skating around the cvs parking lot. You volunteered your time to save lives, but then you turned around to take your own? Maybe it was a mistake. Maybe you didn’t mean it. I just wish that you could have just reached out. I wish that I didn’t say hi that day. That is what kills me. It so selfish of me and im so sorry. I saw you and figured “hey its just jonnie, I’ll see you soon- I don’t feel like getting up right now.” I could go back to every moment of that bus ride. Me and Kevin were sitting in the seat and I was so tired I just wanted to be home. That whole bus ride we were jamming out, but the second we turned onto County Ave, Wonderwall came on. We did our daily stop at the firehouse when we realized Erin’s dad wasn’t there. We saw you and everyone got up to say hi. I never expected that moment to be the last time I saw you, so I just brushed it aside and figured I’d see you around. You were so willing please everyone around you. You knew that we didn’t have time to wait for Erin’s dad so you told Mr.Suppa that you would watch out for her, and we drove away. That’s the last time I saw you, I was too lazy to say hello. I wish I would have been able to read your mind at that moment. I would of ran off that bus in a minute to be with you. To tell you how special you are to me. I’m so sorry I didn’t know. I have faith that you are in a better place, but deep down I know if you reached out to us that you would have found contentment. Im not saying you would have found happiness, but maybe you would have seen that there is so much to live for. You have people here that love you so much. People who keep you in their thoughts, in their hearts, in in their prayers on a daily basis. My heart isn’t broken because of the guys that I have dated in my life. Its shattered in pieces because reality has set in ever since you left us, and the truth of the matter is that life isn’t easy. You proved that to me. Everyday I live for you. If I ever feel like giving up in something, I push for you. You’re all around me. I don’t need “signs” to prove it. I feel it everyday. Something as little as a drawn heart proves to me that you are here with me. When a fire truck passes, I know you are there with them. If a white butterfly floats along, I know you are protecting me. And when a rainbow shines through a storm, I know you are smiling down. I never believed in making a time machine, but if I did, I would bring you back and tell you all the great things about you that made a difference in our lives. SHINE ON Jonnie. I love you so much, I’ll see you when I see you because it’s never going to be a goodbye.
I DON’T WANT TO LEAVE MONMOUTH. I DON’T WANT TO LEAVE MONMOUTH. I DON’T WANT TO LEAVE MONMOUTH. I DON’T WANT TO LEAVE MONMOUTH. I DON’T WANT TO LEAVE MONMOUTH. I DON’T WANT TO LEAVE MONMOUTH. I DON’T WANT TO LEAVE MONMOUTH. I DON’T WANT TO LEAVE MONMOUTH. I DON’T WANT TO LEAVE MONMOUTH. I DON’T WANT TO LEAVE MONMOUTH. I DON’T WANT TO LEAVE MONMOUTH. I DON’T WANT TO LEAVE MONMOUTH. I DON’T WANT TO LEAVE MONMOUTH. I DON’T WANT TO LEAVE MONMOUTH. I DON’T WANT TO LEAVE MONMOUTH. I DON’T WANT TO LEAVE MONMOUTH. I DON’T WANT TO LEAVE MONMOUTH. I DON’T WANT TO LEAVE MONMOUTH. I DON’T WANT TO LEAVE MONMOUTH. I DON’T WANT TO LEAVE MONMOUTH. HERE I COME MSU :( 
